You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
