just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
