paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize