you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
