He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize