I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
