Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
