24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
