My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
