We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Who died my cat blue again?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
