Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
