I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
