OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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