We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
