it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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