Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
