She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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