oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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