Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
