i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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