I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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