i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize