People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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