You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
