you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
