sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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