Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i think we sleep fucked last night...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
