I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sorry about my life...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
