I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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