Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
