Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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