It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
