I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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