and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
