her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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