i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
