i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
