Yo dont text me then not text me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
