Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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