dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
