for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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