that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
