Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
