My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Never joke about your clitoris.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
