We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize