I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
