He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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