There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize