kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
