Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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