ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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