I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
