He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
