I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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