my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
