yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
