Moan for me like Helen Keller
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
