During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dick very happy bro
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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