We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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