I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize