need another drink. this is the easiest way
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
