my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
