I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
