....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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