so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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