The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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