I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
