Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
