my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
