having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize