the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
