Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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