Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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