Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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