Your face is a jimmy john
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
