I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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