Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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