She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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